SO, SUPERNANNY.........

How DO you make a defiant 4-yr old go to bed early when she doesn't want to?

1. Tell her sternly, but politely. Check. Didn't work.

2. Give her the consequences of her actions for not following the rules. Check. Didn't work.

3. Yell at her. Check. Didn't work

4. Spank her. Check. Didn't work.

5. Physically carry her to bed and put her in it. Check. Didn't work.

6. Tie her to the bed and lock the door. Oh wait, that's "illegal". Can't do that one.

She didn't go to bed early. She actually apologized for not listening. She got to stay up with Vanessa and go to bed at their scheduled time.

After my blood pressure went down and my migraine ceased, it occurred to me..... she deserved to go to bed early for the way she had been acting. She needed something different. Yes, Lord, I see the similarities now. Sorry.

A Night In The Life

Let me just give you a glimpse into the thrilling, exciting life of the Woods' family.

Tony left for work. Vanessa and Harley were in the dining room playing with play-dough. Adrienne was laying on a blanket on the floor in the living room with me while I was watching Ellen and eating Cheez-Its Duoz. ~side note, the best idea Cheez-Its has had in a long time! Duoz!~

Whenever I put Cheez-Its in mouth, Adrienne would go nuts. She would get so excited and laugh and throw her arms and feet around. So I decided to make our own Cheez-Its commercial.

I set up the camera, paused the TV - we don't need to hear that on the tape- and start recording. Sure enough, Adrienne performs for me. I eat Cheez-Its, she gets excited. Now up until this point, Vanessa and Harley have not cared about what I was doing in the least. But since I paused the TV and hit record on the camera suddenly they're interested. They start yelling "What are you doing?!" over and over. I give the universal signal to zip it. They then start yelling "why why why why WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY"

At one point you can even hear my fingers snap as I try to get them to stop. But nooooo, I can't make my private Cheez-It's commercial without someone ruining it! hahahahaa

Drive Thru Beer Run

It's not as seedy as it sounds. It felt like it, but it's not.

I was trying out a new recipe, Buffalo Chicken Chili. It called for 6oz of beer. We don't drink beer.

I asked some friends at work. Most didn't drink beer. The ones that did either had a flavored beer that would have ruined the recipe or they forgot to bring in a can Friday.

So I was on my way home from taking Vanessa to ballet Saturday morning. I wasn't sure if grocery stores sold individual cans of beer and frankly I didn't want to get out and walk into a store to find out.

I have seen others go through drive-thrus when I have gone through for a Diet Pepsi and chips. So at 11am Vanessa and I go through a nearby drive-thru for a can of beer.

The smallest they have is 16oz. From the back Vanessa is shouting requests for M&M's. So I also ask the drive-thru dude for 2 bags of M&M's.

I pull up to pay. Now, I don't know about the rest of you, but I don't carry cash on my like I used to. I pay for most things with a plastic card. I had a $5 but used it to buy a pop at ballet. The machine gives change in gold dollars and quarters.

The total for my beer and M&M's is $3.70. I'm not handing a drive-thru dude a card. I don't trust him. So gather $3.70 in gold dollar coins and quarters, he puts my beer in a brown paper bag and hands me the M&M's. I drive away feeling like an alkie!

Pray for me....

Oh, where do I begin?

I was getting a bottle for Adrienne in the kitchen. Vanessa and Harley were at the table coloring. I overhear Vanessa say to Harley: "I'm going to marry Luke. And when I'm done with him, I'll let Brianna have him."

So I screamed (in my head) WHAT?! I laughed and laughed. Vanessa asked what I was laughing about, I lied. When I was able to compose myself, I asked her why she would say that. She didn't know, but said again that when she was tired of him she would get rid of him. *help me* I tried to explain simply that wasn't nice and when you marry someone it is forever.

Then at dinner the conversation turned back to love and marriage. Harley's idea of "true love" (which is actually what she keeps calling it, "true love") is between 2 girls and a boy. No,no,no,no,no,no. Since when did my children become Mormon?!

So all during dinner I tried to stress (as kindly as possible) that "true love" is between ONE boy and ONE girl.

This concept was going completely over their heads. I may as well have tried to explain the theory of relativity to them. Without actually saying it, their attitude was pretty much "whatever".

So it looks like home schooling (moving to a remote wooded region of Canada, never letting them out of the house, etc.) is in my children's future!!

Before all the distrubing conversations about boys and girls I noticed an odd smell in the house. I said "something smells funny." Harley says "It's daddy. He stinks up the place." How hilarious!

So to sum things up: Vanessa will use men and toss them aside. Harley will join a cult. Tony stinks.

Remembering your childhood

Vanessa taking a ride down memory lane...

Harley Quinn Woods striking a pose...

Things that make you think "is that really my child?"

Vanessa has a mouth fixation. She is constantly sticking things in her mouth. Usually it's her hair.

Yesterday I came home from work and she shows me a bruise on her upper arm. She says excitedly "Guess how I got that!" I asked how. She grabs her arm and starts sucking on it!

The girl gave herself a hickey!

I just put my head in my hands and took a deep breath.